Q&A: Hows my romance story so far but the romance doesn’t start yet?
Question by ♥Libra♥: Hows my romance story so far but the romance doesn’t start yet?
PreFace:
I go to Rome High School I met tons of people. April Condoors that’s me. My father is currently in Spain with my mom. My best friend Carry lives there too, I could have lived with her. But I bought a hotel instead. My worst enemy is my roommate Teal Smith. I’m stuck in my hotel because I can’t afford my own place which I should of just lived with Carry. Me and Teal got in a fight because she thinks I killed her parents. I didn’t, but she doesn’t believe me. We hated we each ever since that day. My family and I moved away, I thought I’d never see her again. Now we technically live together.
I obviously think she envied me ever since I won the Home Coming Queen by 370 votes and she got 199 votes. Plus I always was more popular then her. It was in 6th grade when all off this happened. I’m stunning and gorgeous and she totally knows. I yawned, I changed into my pajama’s. I can’t wait until I am in 9th grade. I’m going to cry! Why? I fluffed my pillow, opened my covers and rested. I cried again repeating. Oh that’s because it’s thundering in the cold starry night. I crawled out of bed and turned the light switch off. I slept swiftly in the cold room with my roommate snoring.
BOOM BOOM
Best answer:
Answer by Meg
needs more detail !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:)
Ugh. i dont like it at all. sorry. no, im not sorry.
Your grammar is absolutely horrid. You’re putting EVERYTHING out there when the story just begun! If you are going to talk about how “stunning and gorgeous” she is, then have the story be in third person perspective so she doesn’t sound like a conceited snob. I strongly suggest reading more books and actually paying attention in your English class. God knows you need to.
im so sorry but the end doesn’t make any sense and it seems kindof stupid to me but that’s just my personallity……………………………. and i swear if anyone says that im being mean, i am not, but if this girl wants to be a writer, she needs to learn to handle critisizm especially when she knows it’s true. so just go over it and add some more detail because i like the begining and the plot but you should explain why she thinks you killed her parents and you should fall in love with teal’s big brother! OMG u just gave me an idea for my next novel!! thank you. see this is how writing works………me critisizing u equals me thinking of an idea for the next best selling book in the world!!!!!!!!!
It sounds like it could be a good plot, but needs a bit of work. First off, your grammar isn’t good at all. It’s pretty dreadful actually. It needs a lot more detail. It’s also really choppy and skips around a lot. Elaborate a bit more on certain things. Why does Teal think she killed her parents? Etc…